THIS AND THAT

Just some this and that that this group might enjoy!

(feel free to email me items that you would like tohave posted)

HEAVEN'S GROCERY STORE

I was walking down life's highway
a long time ago.
One day I saw a sign that read,
"HEAVEN'S GROCERY STORE".
As I got a little closer,
the door opened wide,
and then I found myself
standing inside.
I saw a host of ANGELS.
They were standing everywhere.
One handed me a basket
and said, "My Child, shop with care".
Everything a human needed
was in that grocery store.
And if you couldn't carry all,
you could come back the next day for more.
First, I got some PATIENCE.
LOVE was in the same row.
Further down was UNDERSTANDING;
you need that everywhere you go.
I got a box or two of WISDOM,
a bag or two of FAITH.
I just couldn't miss the HOLY GHOST,
for it was all over the place.
I stopped to get some STRENGTH and COURAGE
TO HELP ME RUN THIS RACE.
By then my basket was getting full,
but I remembered I needed some GRACE.
I didn't forget SALVATION,
for SALVATION was free.
So I tried to get enough of that
to save both you and me.
Then I started up to the counter
to pay my grocery bill.
For I thought I had everything
to do the MASTER'S will.
As I went up the aisle,
I saw PRAYER; and I just had to put that in,
for I knew when I stepped outside,
I would run into sin.
PEACE and JOY were plentiful;
they were last on the shelf.
SONG and PRAISE were hanging near,
so I just helped myself.
Then I said to the angel,
"Now, how much do I owe?"
He smiled again and said,
"MY CHILD, GOD PAID YOUR BILL
A LONG, LONG TIME AGO."

written by Saul Anthony Lavoid

A little humour for the day, after all the real virus alerts...

 VIRUS ALERT

If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes" delete it immediately.  Do not open it.  Apparently this one is pretty nasty.  It will not only  erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on  disks within 20 feet of your computer.  It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL  of your credit cards.  It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play.

It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.  It will program your phone  auto dial to call only your mother-in-law's number.  This virus will mix  antifreeze into your fish tank.  It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company.  Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears.

It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.  It will cause you to run  with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.  It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea.  It will  rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the  interpretations of key sentences.

If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95 or 98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.  It will not only remove the  forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also  refill your skim milk with whole milk.  It will replace all your luncheon meat with beef tongue.

It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles.  It is insidious and subtle.  It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.  It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs of infection.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!

Then lighten up and get a life.

BALANCE IS GOOD - USUALLY

Near the end of March there was a picture in the Statesman of a pigeon sitting on a nest in one of the downtown parades.  It was being protected by city worker/workers with pylons.  A kind gesture - of course.

Now, let's revert to a little less recent history.  Not long ago the paper announced the
chasing, trapping, scaring, and killing of pigeons in the downtown area (by city workers
and/or city funds I assume).

Moral of the story?  Let the pigeons breed so the animal rights folks can be happy, and kill
them later so the downtown folks can be happy.

Is this what we could call a balanced eco-system?

Submitted by Gloria (Jean Reichert) Gregory

1.   In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you
have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

2.   In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to
the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary
halls.

3.   In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped
you stand up to the class bully.

4.   In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared
their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

5.   In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was
willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be
stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nicky or Smelly Susan.

6.   In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat
on the back of the bus for you.

7.   In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to
Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if
they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.

8.   In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you
copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had forgotten
to do.

9.   In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped
you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball cards so that your room
would be a "high schooler's" room, but didn't laugh at you when you finished
and broke out into tears.

10.  In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who
 went to that "cool" party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being
the only freshman there.

11.  In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed
their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

12.  In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave
you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be
grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a
date to the prom.

13.  In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped
you pick out a college, assured you that you would get into that college,
helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to
the idea of letting you go.

14.  At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was
crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they
congratulated you.

15.  The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was
 the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you
sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with yourparents, assured
you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could
make it through anything, helped you pack up for college and just silently
hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were
leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of
their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well
as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college
knowing you were loved.

16.  Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the
better of the two choices, hold your hand when you're scared, helps you fight
off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you
are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past
behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer,
stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make
time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure
from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better
person, and most importantly loves you!   Pass on to those friends of the
past, and those of the future...and those you have met along the way... Thank
you for being a friend. No matter where we go or who we become, never forget
who helped us get there. There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or
send a message telling your friends how much you miss them or how much you
love them.

You know who you are, pass it on to someone who you want to remind.  So send
this to all your friends and maybe those who aren't but just watch and see
who sends it back. If you love someone, tell them. Remember always to say
what you mean.  Never be afraid to express yourself. Take this opportunity to
tell someone what they mean to you.  Seize the day and have no regrets.  Most
importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make
you the person that you are today and are what it's all about anyway. Pass
this along to your friends. Let it make a difference in your day and theirs.
The difference between blessing love and having regrets is that the regrets
may stay around forever.